Cross

David Cross has got to be the biggest asshole in the country. He also is probably one of the funniest people working in comedy. His first album, Shut Up, You Fucking Baby, is absolutely hilarious on every track, and it is helping me get through the day at work. But you can tell just by listening to his work that he is a bitter, spiteful person with no regard for most people. This feeling is enhanced by his accompanying DVD, when he tortures club owners and berates his fans.

My mom always used to say that she would never want to know a comedian that well. They’re always working, always manic, constantly trying to impress people and make everyone laugh and focus on them (More on that later). Her big examples were always Jim Carrey, Chris Farley, and Andy Kaufman. I think that David Cross would be the worst of the bunch. My fear of David Cross is so pure that I would leave a room that he entered rather than meet him. His acerbic wit and disdain for others would manifest in some sort of nightmarish scenario where I am made to look like a stammering fool while all my friends and loved ones gather to congratulate Cross on his successful evisceration. Clearly I am thinking rationally here.

But I will say that this attitude that he carries with him on all his stand-up shows has the power to overwhelm his talent. And I think that his more recent album, It’s Not Funny, is proof of this possibility. Cross has moved from achingly funny to achingly obnoxious, constantly taking low jabs at politicians that, unlike on his first album, are unsupported by the requisite amount of comedy. He comes off like a mid-level message boarder instead of the comedic genius he has shown himself to be. I call this trend the “Daily Show” syndrome, where liberal comedians become so incensed by the current administration that their comedy becomes more bitter than funny. I hope that Cross, Stewart, and everyone else that falls prey to this debilitating disease can snap out of it and get back into the business of being funny, which, after all, is why we loved them in the first place. Consider this the closest to confronting David Cross about anything that I will ever come, ever.